I wait for you like earth waited for rain, I cry for you like the rain falling down!

It's started raining here. The weather was insanely warm for a long time, there was not a single sign of rain. It was almost coming to a drought. Every living and unliving thing waited forever for at least a little bit of water to soothe them. Finally, the wait is over. It's raining like the sky is torn.

My wait for you, my wait for a single word from you is just like that wait for the rain. But, I wonder will it ever be responded like this rain.

A wait has never been in vain as long as one has been waiting with honest, with belief. I don't have enough grounds to believe what will be the result of my wait. But, I have enough reasons to wait for you. I have enough reasons to believe you.

Last night I was betting trying to figure out what's my fate with you. I pushed myself back, I gave up, I returned, I went negative, went positive, and returned to the base, where I started to follow the road you walked away leaving me behind.

This time I love this rainy season even more. I feel so refreshed and hopeful. Yes, this rain showers me with hopes and wishes. They all on you, they are all for you.

I looked at you today. I wish you didn't wear those shades. I miss looking into your eyes. It's okay I also love that handsome look with those shades on.

Ah! I found an old photo of yours. A big one. The one I told you about. I'm clumsy as you know (maybe you don't know). So, sometimes I lose the care for even towards the most precious things I own. So this photo is damaged a lot too. Well, to be honest, back then when I got that photo, you were just someone I like. I never had these feelings for you. Perhaps because back then our eyes have never met each other for real. So the photo is being tortured without me knowing.

But wait! What matters is, it had been surviving there for me. So I went and fixed it. People asked me of you. And they commented you to be handsome. My heart fluttered. My words were impatient to say that "this is the one I love" but no! I want to say it to you before saying it to anyone else. Yes. The one I love is the most handsome in this world.

I'm so glad that I fixed it and it's all new. I feel like you are with me right here, alive.

I miss you, my love. Today I really wish you'd see me. Even if you don't it's okay. Because I see you. Yeah, Love has always been a one-way street, and only a few times it has had a way back. There's no regret, no worries because at least our roads have crossed once.

It rained today more than the tears I cried
I felt like the sky is torn just like my heart
She had been holding in all her pain for so long
finally, she's all tearing breaking apart.
Could it be that she too is waiting for someone,
someone who don't even see her for once?
could it be that she too is loving someone,
someone who don't even know she does?
Let's cry together dear rain
I guess we hold the same kind of fate
but you were an answer for someone's wait
stay with me until my wait ends.

I Failed To Escape From You Again!

I'm trying to be less frequent in writing to you. It's funny when you have to stop following your heart. Sometimes it is for your own good, to keep yourself safe from any hurting. The truth is, it hurts more. I believe, to lose or to win, following your heart, doing what your heart needs is the best.

Thinking of you, betting my days into check if you could be thinking of me too, at least if I'm in your memories, I'm simply frustrated. It's difficult to live on doubts. At one point you lose the senses as to what you are really doing.

Just to escape from all that, I'm up to getting all busy. Yeah just as much as you, perhaps more than you. I'm having my holidays which are not really holidays. It's already been three days and I haven't had a proper sleep yet. I feel good that I don't have time to worry or spend time wondering why you don't even see my texts.

But, I'm feeling worst for feeling good that way. I'm learning to be fake to myself. I cheat on myself.

There's no true happiness in me, and I have not stopped waiting. I have not stopped wondering. I have not stopped needing you.

I saw you flew to somewhere. I don't know if it is close to me or further away. You are too busy. More than that you are focused which is I'm not. My time is spent on my work but my focus is all on you.

Anyway, should I just fall back to where I was, the true self of mine? Was it less hurtful than now? Yeah, I guess so. After-al there's nothing to lose in loving someone. I don't want to pretend to be all good anymore.

Love is always a one-way street. I'll walk to the end of it, so at least I can say I loved.

PS: I hope you are eating well, and resting well. How I long to take care of you. How I long for a way. I hope there'll be a way someday.

You Are An Empty Spot In Me!

It's been awhile! I know you have been fine and busy. I've been fine too: not as much as you though, and busy: perhaps more than you.

On this planet, only a few percent of living beings are happy - truly happy. It is not about money, wealth, status or anything else. It is all about satisfaction, dreams that come true, simple things that come their way that keep them happy. All those things can cost money or emotions too. But, they are always worth the spent.

I am not a wealthy girl. Just living my life with satisfaction. I have many reasons to be happy and sometimes with what I've been gifted, I have almost lost the rights to ask for more.

No matter what sort of a reason is there for me to be happy, why am I not as happy as I should be? Why I do feel like my heart is being dumped into a bucket of sand. I feel restricted. I feel like an elevated shore that cannot accept, that cannot feel all the waves that come her way completely.

Certain things I've dreamed, certain things I've wished for have come true. I've got things to keep me full without even asking for them. But what's the point, when all I want, all I need and all I'm asking for is just as far as I can only see but not reach? Not even the wind from that place blows this way.

You are at a distance I cannot measure, without even turning this way. I love watching your back. It is perfect too. Still, I wish you turn this way at least for once - it doesn't matter if it is not for me or if you don't see me.

Maybe this is why I am all empty twenty-four three sixty-five. By the day I'm getting emptier.

You are an eternal empty spot in my life. Yes until forever I guess. All that is happening is that eventually, I am getting used to living with that empty spot. that's the only improvement I can see in me.

Someone might tell me, 'give up, let it go already!' What do I do? The deeper this empty spot becomes, the more I long for you.

However, I promise you no matter how hurtful it is or how deeper it gets, I will never let anything else fill it other than you. Because I'm in love with you. It's me who fell in love with you.

You Are Meant To Sail The Seas!

It's been a while! I see you are doing fine! Yes, me too! As long as I have you walking with me, I'm great - although it is solely my imagination. You would never know how beautiful what I am feeling is.

Someone told me that it is said, 'A ship is safe as long as it is kept in a bay or a harbour'! Nothing to doubt it. But why you need a ship to keep at a bay?

You are a ship too - a man indeed so much like a ship, despite what he does or what's his career is. A man is meant to sail the oceans, cross the storms. A woman either waits for his safe arrival back at his home or sails with him to wherever he does.

I am still forbidden to sail with you. In fact, you don't even know that I long to sail with you. So I'm at this shore, which is not even your home, a place where you just stopped by for once, praying and hoping for your safe way back home and safe travel around. And I'm waiting in case if you stop by my side again.

I cannot ask for more. I am greedy for more, but still, I am satisfied with what I already have, I at least can watch you sailing. Time to time you disappear from my vision but you appear again. That releases me from my worries.

I see you are doing great through the tides and waves, and most importantly I like when you are shining in your happy skin.

By the way, you look fabulous when you wear those hoodies and I love to see you in those caps. Each time you make me feel like, there's no other person who can replace you in this world. My heart is full watching you even if it is from this far.

I think of a poem which I wrote so long ago. When I wrote that I was not in love, a love was never was in my sight. Just that I had a whole world of imagination and at one moment I imagined of a lover who sails the seas.

Could it be I wrote my future? Right now I'm living what I wrote. I do not know where is that poem at this very moment but I promise you I will find that and post it here for you. So someday you will know I've had these feelings for 'you' from long ago, even from the time that we never knew.

I do not intend to trap you in to a bay or into my shore to keep you safe. Instead, I love watching sail like you do. That makes me feel proud of you and makes me long for you more.

Sail safe my love, do not worry about a thing.
The person you don't know that loves you
is waiting here watching you from a distance.
I'm praying for you, and I have my love keeping you safe
Although all I can do now is watching you
do well my love, be strong
someday I will sail with you these seas,
so that I can protect you much close.

I love you! And I miss you!

The Place I Belong!

Last night I was at dinner in the hotel's
restaurant. They played beautiful classics. And, one moment kept me still, that was when that song of us came on.

'Country Roads! by John Denver - the song we sang once. More accurately, 'the song you sang beside me'! I had an instant travel back to that moment and felt your presence beside me. Your scent, your vibes has not left me yet. I hear you still live as then.

It's crazy how a random song becomes the story of your life.

'Country roads, take me home, to the place I belong!'

From the moment my heart started beating for you, you are my home, you are the place I belong.

Love Me Or Not - I Love You!

                     

Sometimes you want those most precious things in life at a distance. That way you tend to think you are emotionally safe. That way you tend to believe you never lose it. But what is true is you are trying to run away from yourself, your feelings.

It's unusual. I feel you at quiet a distance. I feel lonely and left alone.

So I knocked at my own heart. I need to see what's going in there. I need to know if you are already faded away.

I was wrong. I found you are way much vivid than ever, but quiet and calm. Deep and stable.

I hate this kind of situations. Why, because this is how I am before I explode. My feelings all get neutral when they reach their peak and flames up without me knowing. When they explode that way, it hurts so much. I'm afraid to face it because I don't know what I would do then.

Yesterday I read your update. You are happy. It's my wish for you. When you say you're happy I'm happy as twice as you. I trust you. So I believe things have turned good for you.

Perhaps that makes me less worry about you. So now that I'm sort of reassured you are fine and having a happy time I'm laid back?

However since I don't know what myself would turn out to be in the very next moment with all the compressed neutral feelings, I designed a shield to protect myself.

Yes! I don't know if you love me or not! But does that matter? What matters is that me loving you.

I wouldn't worry about anything else. Because now that I have to protect my love for you.

I'm not drawn distant from you. It is just that I am all in love for you and all I wanna do is loving you with no condition.

I keep you at a distance watching you closely. No I'm not running away. Because I'm not afraid anymore.

You love me or not - I love you!

I Will Wait For You!!

Waiting is frustrating! Most of the times as we wait along, there comes this moment we want to give up, let go and move on. But soon, as if it travelled on a wheel, returns to where it was. We continue to wait and we are even deeper in it.

I'm up in a dead night again, fighting in and out with the thoughts of you.Just, a short while ago I came to this point where I do not want to wait for you anymore.

But, why do I feel so wrong - like I'm betraying you? You don't even know that I'm waiting for you!

Ah! It's the feeling of betraying myself: it's that guilt.

Then again I wanted to test myself. Maybe it's a sign of frustration-of-wait. Guess what, I found myself so true to myself like I have never been before. I can't betray my heart, not at all when it comes to this matter about you. So, it's last.....

I will be waiting for you....even if it going to take another lifetime.

Apart from that, I see your days are way busier and distance than the usual. I'm deep in my grave of curiosity. How I wish if I had a single way to know what you are doing, how you are and all that. So that I can know how well you take care of you and if you are well physically and emotionally.

I wish if I had planted a GPS or something on to you when I had the chance. Or should I hire a spy? Perhaps I should become the spy of myself?

It's okay! There'll be a solution, there'll be an answer. I will wait. In the meantime, you better take better care of yourself, because someone out here is longing for you.

I miss you. And I love you!